10.16 – SJW Owner Breakdown (JKing Guestpost!!!)

I’m new to this blogging game but I did want to contribute to Tsundere Fantasy blog, because the blog is run by Andy, who is basically a weird old asian man in a young asian man’s body. Does anyone really want to listen to that guy spew about fantasy? No, not really. Well, at least that’s what I think. Instead of talking about shit that Matthew Berry talks about and shit that Chris Berman pretends to know about, I’d rather keep this personal. I’m going to talk about every manager in the SJW (is that what we’re calling it now).  So, how I know em, what I think of em, and whether or not their team sucks.  Who’s on first?

Deflate Deez Nuts (Andrew Lee)

I’m really happy that the first entry is about Andrew Lee.  I met Andrew maybe 2 years ago, through fantasy, none the less.  You’ll notice this is a common theme here. My first impression of Andrew was this – he really likes the Patriots and chainsmoking.  Neither of those things have a great impression on me, but he seemed nice enough so I chilled with him.  We toiled in the heat in the Manhattan Buffalo Wild Wings for a bit, then went down to the Ainsworth.  I forgot what happened throughout, but Andrew probably talked about white girls and the Patriots most of the time.  Blessed with a certainly unique sense of style (think straight dude that loves wearing scarves and weird pants), Andrew is a jolly dude, when the Patriots are winning.  Other than that, he’s basically unbearable on twitter. Either way, Andrew and I have a budding rivalry because I’m a Jets fan and yea, that happens. I’m taking a look at Andrew’s team… it looks like it’s pretty damn good. Gronk + Odell + Hopkins is solid. Although his backs suck and are unknowns (Yeldon and Jennings), maybe Odell can lead him to the promised land again.

Team Chandra (Vishnu Chandra)

Vishnu Chandra, the man, the myth, the legend. Vishnu is also another unbearable member of the league because it seems like he’s always on speed. Or, he’s just confused af. He will offer you trades every second of the day because before this, he was a barista. I’ve never understood why they are called baristas if they are male, but if anyone lives up to the word, it’s the one they call “Shnu.”  Known to dish lots of trash talk but oftentimes get butthurt when someone smacks him back, Vishnu is the most ridiculous human in the league.  He does know his fantasy but I will never trade with him because most of the time he’s spewing bullshit that I don’t have time to listen to. Looks like Vishnu’s team is good. I’d hope so, because this is his life.

Me (Jeremy King)

Fuck all of you.

The Limping Dez (Aleks Pops, Adrian Trejo)

I have met Pops like once in my life, and if I’ve met him other times, he probably wasn’t 100% sober. Actually that’s definitely true. Pops dressed up as a ebola scientist dude for Halloween because he’s a basic bitch. He also doesn’t like couches, apparently.  I’ve heard he is a good dude so I’ll go off of that.  Adrian, on the other hand, is the beloved commish of the Player Haters Association, which I basically stripped of his control because he was the worst commish I’ve ever seen.  Trejo is snarky, intelligent, and probably dating a mail order girlfriend. These two are my most likely to complain about trades this year. OH LOOK, THEY WERE THE FIRST ONES!

Team Reffe (Dylan Reffe)

Dylan Reffe is like the guy that an XBOX or PS4 spits out as their default character. He probably owns a few blue button downs, a few white ones, some Sperry’s, as well as some other regular stuff that white people buy.  I’ve known Dylan for… yea I don’t even know how long I’ve known him for. I’ve met him about two or three times, every single time was awkward.  Good guy, but kinda boring. Ha.  I lost to Dylan last week in basically what was a slapping contest between two paraplegics.  So for those of you who don’t know him, Dylan is an easy trader and someone who basically lives and breathes sports. If you get a trade offer from him, it’s probably because he’s bored at work and sending out 10 of em at the same time.  Get a life, bro.

Love 2 Collude (Tyler Miller)

Tyler, or shall I call him “Millzee,” is actually my longest standing friend in this league.  All of you other people I met during college.  So, how did I meet this crazy mother fucker who only drafts dudes with dreadlocks (for the most part)? Millzee and I actually used to play in an OOTP league, which is basically souped up simulation baseball.  We were in a league run by a crazy dude who thought his league was God’s gift to simulation baseball. Millzee’s team name is actually a reference to this league, where I was jokingly accused of colluding with a new member I brought into the league (who wasn’t me). He’s a known troll and a pretty damn good twitter to follow, especially when he starts trolling the athiests.  Seriously, it’s a fucking grand old time.  

Jon’s Team (Jon Lee)

What the fuck, Jon’s team? What kind of name is that? Out of everything we’ve been through, how can you just name your team Jon’s team? You have like 50 pairs of sneakers but you can’t take 50 seconds to change your team name to literally anything else?  It can be like “Show me your TDs” or something that is totally unoriginal but still better than that shitshow. At least your team is as shitty as your team name.  Anyways, I’ve never actually met Jon.  I’ve successfully been able to duck him for the past couple of years despite us being in the same town on random weekends. I even was supposed to come to his birthday bash and totally bailed for some reason (I think it was female related).  Jon is a known sneaker enthusiast, white girl enthusiast, and Vishnu enthusiast.  He also regularly contributes to tsundere fantasy, so that’s probably a great indicator of the type of person he is (not great).

McAfee’s Colts (Adam Van Zee)

Woof. I’m not even going to talk about Adam’s team because it’s so downright pitiful. A last minute add to the league, Mr. Van Zee as I like to call him came in with a successful Draftkings resume and a history of doing well betting on sports.  Let’s get away from his sports prowess because clearly he doesn’t have enough.  Van Zee was a former COACH OF THE YEAR and that’s something that he will always have over all of us. I always make fun of Adam for being way older than us and living in the middle of nowhere (Indianapolis) but I must say the guy is a stand up dude.  While sometimes a bit surly and sarcastic, Van Zee brings the truth to every conversation he enters.  Sometimes, for better or for worse.  But, he still is like 40 years old.

Team Varma (Shubh Varma)

Another player I actually have never met but want to, Shubh’s biggest contribution to my life is this quote (relayed to me by my roommate, so deal with any inconsistencies).  “I like Jeremy.  I like him because he talks trash and is actually good enough to back it up.  Unlike me.”  And with that, my respect meter for Shubh goes up a ton.  Trash talkers respect other trash talkers, even if the other ones don’t back it up.  My fondest memory of Shubh was in last year’s league where he dropped the infamous “It was a fair trade, I got some RBs and WR.”  Still one of the best quotes I’ve ever heard in fantasy and will probably be until the day I die.  This beers for you, Shubh.  One day we shall meet.

Team BBC (Josh Law)

JOSH LAW!!! I have nothing bad to say about JOSH LAW, other than the fact that he hasn’t been his usual self this year in fantasy.  I want JOSH LAW trash talk.  If there is no JOSH LAW trash talk, then there truly is no JOSH LAW.  So, let this be a message to JOSH LAW.  Come back with normal trash talk and activity or face the consequences.  We need you.

Ellen Mao (Andrew Armstrong)

Who the fuck is Andrew Armstrong.  Like, I don’t even know him.  However, I did make a trade with him last year, and then another one.  I’m pretty sure I lost both trades because that’s what I do. Armstrong is a silent killer who goes about his business not knowing anybody, probably because he has no friends. Andrew, if you’re reading this, I hate you.

FAAB Couch (Andy Han)

Last but not least, Andy Han, the creator of this sorry blog called Tsundere Fantasy.  Weirdly obsessed with anime, Andy and I have a history of going back and forth in a fantasy rivalry that is better than my life rivalry with Vishnu.  I assume Andy will include some background on our rivalry in this post, but if not, his blog really isn’t worth reading anyways :).  Andy has a mean twitter game despite having a protected account (which I don’t understand).  One thing I will say about Andy – he loves sports a little bit too much, especially in fantasy.  He also offers some of the worst trades known to man on random days.  There was that one time he tried to convince me that MJD was actually a good player at the end of his Jaguars days.  Or another time when he offered me his last slice of pizza for Adrian Peterson pre ACL tear.  Andy will always have a warm place in my heart for being the only fantasy player I ever had an email fight with.  He once thought I was insulting him by saying I went to CMU (like that’s something to be proud about), but what I was really trying to say was that I could see through his bullshit.  I had thought that he went to CMU as well and was trying to outsmart me or some shit.  Andy and I have met like twice, but in the twitterverse we’ve met many a time.  That, my friends, is the leader of this fearless blog.

FIN:

That’s all I got for the 5 followers of this blog today.  Now, you can actually know who Andy is talking about when he rambles about how he spent 5 FAAB dollars on Ahmad Bradshaw and beat Aleks by $1, while Vishnu offered him $5 real dollars to give him a better waiver claim. Because that’s how SHIT WORKS in Social Justice Warriors.

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